what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
