PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
