i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
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