someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
