i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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