If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
should my penis look like a turkey
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
