now i know why i became what i already was.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
