she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Randomize
