hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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