Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize