the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
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