i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
