i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
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