last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
