Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
