I want to walk on stilts...naked
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Hello my rib-scented angel!
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
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