Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
