You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize