I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
