I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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