you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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