Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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