Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
