nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
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