i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
