i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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