he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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