there was a trapeze. enough said
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize
