He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
