matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Randomize
