Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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