I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Too much gin, very little bucket
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
