we're blogging at a bar
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
