There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
