I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
