i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
