i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
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