I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
