he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
