I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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