Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
