i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
