Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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