god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
