I need to stop coming to work sober
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
You're a waste of cheezeits
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
