You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Randomize
