When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Randomize
