Can Purell be used as lube?
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
