I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
