I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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