My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Is it penis luge time yet?
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Randomize
