You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
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