I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
