i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
