I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
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