how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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