I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
My vagina just recognized that song.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
