I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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