nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
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