I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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