I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
