Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Randomize
