two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
false alarm. still invincible.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
