I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
