the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
