I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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