Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
