that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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