Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
