You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
i would punch a child for taco bell
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
