He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
