Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
