so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
