remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize