Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Send help, water and tortillas.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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