I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
True but thats because hes a fetus.
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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