get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize