if you like me you must not know who I am
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Randomize
