this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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