If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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