The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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