I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
