so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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