He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
